LET LOVE RADIATE! Your HEART is supposed to RADIATE!

>> 18/07/22 guestbook signings!

good evening pissbaby

the best kind!

>> 16/07/22 here u go! it slithers its way to u and sleeps in ur lap.

>> 07/07/22 my birthday is tomorrow

>> 02/07/22 straight up got nothing else in my mind aside from how insane the heat is in here good lord !!!!!!!usually the nighttime is more relieving because it naturally gets cooler but currently its still just as hot with added humidity. its like the humid sticky hot weather before thunderstorms.

sick photos from my room. a lot of shinsei kamattechan crap, i used to have more photographs of them on my wall some time ago but the majority have fallen off because the tape gets old and im too lazy to put them back up. i used to collect porcelain dolls from thrift stores a lot more regularly but gradually stopped. i feel like i want to get back into it but im running out of space to display them all. i dont want to buy one and just discard it to a dark corner :( i remember when i was a kid we had a lesson about bullying on first grade. we each were handed a piece of a paper and had to draw it a smiley face and pretend it was our friend, only to crumble it and rip it apart (something about learning to treat others with respect and how your actions have consequences and so on). i felt really bad for the piece of paper and had to uncrumble it and take it home because of how guilty it made me feel. it was just an innocent paper and i ruthlessly completely destroyed it with no remorse. i went to see the new minion movie in the theater today. one of my snake bite piercings is infected and im out of disinfectant. i cant afford buying a new bottle which sucks. nothings going that great but its ok, currently im almost up to 700€ in debt and cant pay my therapy bills or meds. it only feels bad when i deliberately stop and think about it, ignoring things completely feels way better than it should.

>> 29/05/22 the heat is more and more intense, i need to keep ice packs with me or itll feel like sitting in a sauna, its 30 degrees celsius :( i love summer a ton but i wish the heat went down. we will be getting thunder storms soon according to predictions! i look forward to it. all my hamsters are feeling warm too, i keep ice packs by their cages so they can cool down as well.

small art i finished today! i find keeping an ice pack underneath ur jaw helps relieve the heat the best plus it generally just feels funny. it feels like u drinking something cold when ur actually not!! my phone screen is getting fixed, itll be at the place until 4pm tomorrow. only thing im bummed about is not being able to listen to music while i go outside tomorrow, its a good distraction but i wont have it :( the walk is not that long but its nevertheless more uncomfortable wihout something to keep myself busy with. there was a spider crawling around my laptop a couple hours earlier. when i tried to dispose of it it vanished. i still dont know if i killed it or if it dashed off so now im in the back of my head constantly anxious of it still being in my bed which makes everything spider touch infected and its uncomfortable. i dont want to hug a pillow that a spider has touched

>> 25/06/22 my friend from middle school is coming to visit next tuesday! i haven't seen her since last summer so it's been a while. today i got the air conditioner in but my room is still too messy to have it fit in so meanwhile it'll sit in the living room until (or if) i manage to clean up. i want to smoke

>> 23/06/22 guestbook entries!

i hope so teo!

mysteriously u both go missing and are nowhere to be found...

i can! getting recognition online makes me nervous, i like having a small internet space to myself. right now is good where only a few people know of my existence

last few ones were mostly kind compliments so i included them in the same photo. thank u so much!!! it really makes me happy knowing people like my art and the stuff i do. i appreciate it a ton!!! i miss him too ss. we're talking ab jesus i presume

i hadn't checked my guestbook in a little while and was surprised to see comments! it made me excited, i always assume the growing viewcount on the index page is just myself when i update the site but apparently there are actually other people discovering my stuff, feels funny! thank u again for the nice couple of comments. im typing this as im waiting for my therapy appointment to begin, my bus will be here in 10 minutes

>> 20/06/22 i went to the fair yesterday! there were very little amount of fun rides though, we only went to three different ones and revisited them for the majority, the other half of the time i spent on investing way too much money on claw machine games. i didnt get the minion plush or the batman plush .

>> 12/06/22 the feeling is indescribable its like putting on another layer of skin its like having to work for hours squeezing and fitting yourself inside a costume just to in the end hate everything about how it looks it doesnt make you any happier or more comfortable it never was it never will because youre stuck being you its still you and theres nothing that can fix it or better it everything feels uncomfortable and sweaty disgusting even but nothing will ever change that it feels unfair and it is unfair theres so much bitterness and jealousy the amount of jealousy is overwhelming its unimaginably high its like no other feeling the worst of it being youll never get out of it no matter how many skin costumes and layers you keep forcing on until youre out air every tiniest inch of you is covered you cant breathe you cant see you cant move without the leathery material chafing and burning all your body just for it in the end to never be worth it because people never gave you a second look to begin with youre insignificant , but thats just a theory a game theory

>> 07/06/22 i dont belong in my own body

>> 05/06/22 yesterday i got laughed at for wearing a beanie,

>> 29/05/22 the longest one was the worst to go through, i was stuck inside of it while being fully aware i was dreaming but never being sure if what i was going through was still a dream or reality. it's not the first time i've went through one but this one felt like the longest and the most horrifying, as the worst imaginable things would nonstop happen to the point of torture and death until i would wake up, just to go through another scenario as in reality i was still dreaming. i remember myself breaking down at one point to my dad wailing and crying telling him to help me and to wake me up. when i actually did wake up i was still unsure if it was real or not, it really messes up with your head for a while. i didn't want to go back to sleep but i was insanely exhausted and wasn't able to stay up